Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Randomize
