My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
