Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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