Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
