I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
