Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
