how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
