He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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