allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She told me I should be a condom model.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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