My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
this boner is exhausting
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
