So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I deserve this hangover.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
