A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize