first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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