Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
