found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
