my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize