this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
