you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
