You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
