And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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