I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
