Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
