It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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