it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
