dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
