I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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