Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
