Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
