Porn is love you can see.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize