the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
