Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Less talking, more tequila
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
