We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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