Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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