I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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