is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
