Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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