Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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