my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize