This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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