we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
