It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
