OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Mom said you looked used
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
