Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
