she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
