just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Drake has all the answers
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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