you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
