I feel like abortions should bother me more
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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