Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We named our party play list daddy issues
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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