I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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