Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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