You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
