so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
