You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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