You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
