The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize