Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize