man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
