He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
