highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize