He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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