you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
