the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
