I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
