; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Farmville is her only friend.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize