I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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