Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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