One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
