remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
