Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
