Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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