I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
