i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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