I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
