Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize