She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize