uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
