On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
