I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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