so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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