3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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