Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just wanna soil my oats bro
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize