i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
