getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
