ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
