the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize