Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you made out with another girl for some wings
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
