awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
