Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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