hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
