Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
