This is not my ceiling
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Two words: blizzard sex
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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