I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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