i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
