ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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