I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
