I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My vagina is officially offended.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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