From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
