OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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