Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I believe in your delicious
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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